I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize