I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
