Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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