Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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