the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
