when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
