idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
