if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
