I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
