i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
