He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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