mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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