update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
