12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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