smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
