woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
