i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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