Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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