I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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