I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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