I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
