I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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