Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
