Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
