lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
