Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i think my mom watched the whole time
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
