i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
