Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
