I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize