pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
