Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
