Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
