Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm like, not good at living.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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