Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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