I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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