I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
