But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
