Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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