I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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