This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
