I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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