I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize