16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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