My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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