i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
