I think I just saw someone hide a body.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
