She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
