new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As shirtless as possible
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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