that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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