Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
