They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
