okay pat passed out under dana's car
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
