Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
