So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
