she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
