So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
