1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize