the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
