I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry about my life...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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