is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
