started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
