1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
