From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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