She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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