remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
