yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
