oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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