listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
