I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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