Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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