bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
