I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
...so i touched it.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize