dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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