if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
