The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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