He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
