That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
